Marcus' World

Ten Years of Blogging

This blog began ten years ago today, with a short post about how living in New York City had spurred too many visits to the movies.  Ten years later, less frequently but still at least once a week, I'm still at it.

Here are some reflections on ten years of blogging.

1. The Original Motivation

In 2004 blogs became central to political discourse, during the Bush vs. Kerry election. This was before the birth of Twitter and when Facebook was in its infancy. "Social media" had not begun its ascendancy, and the smart phones that enabled rapid posting to social media sites did not yet exist. But blogs did exist, and they were hot. This anointing occured in the New York Times Magazine in Sep. 2004, with a feature story about the rise of political blogs. I read that piece intensively. Since I enjoyed writing, blogs (I was always fine with calling them "blogs," preferring that to the fussiness of "web logs") seemed like a natural outlet.

As the second Bush administration was taking shape I decided the least I could do was blog to express my dismay. I landed on Typepad because this is what Scott was already using. And so the blog began.

2. The Early Years

Given the political origin of my blog, at first I aimed to frequently inject my views onto the political scene. This led to some cringeworthy posts, such as my take on the efforts to resuscitate Terri Schiavo (remember her?) from a vegetative state. Today I avoid writing about the meshugas of the moment, but back then I loved to dive in.

This is because the blog, in my eyes, was a new type of newspaper column. At this time there was much fervor about how blogs would end the tyranny of the "mainstream media" (or MSM). With the power of the Web at anyone's fingertips, the news would be democratized. Today I am less current on the state of traditional journalism vis-a-vis newer platforms than I used to be. For a long time I followed this closely, and offered posts about blogs and the future of news (from Oct 2005) and the state of journalism (from Sep 2008).

Slices of life pieces--about New York at first, then the Bay Area, and now Chicagoland--were interspersed with the political screeds and journalistic think pieces. These could be movie or book reviews, or perhaps an account of an interesting day on the town. The other major category was posts about librarianship, which I'll cover in a later section. By now, ten years on, the slices of life are the bread and butter of this blog.

2. Audience Engagement and Comments

The early years--again, before Facebook and Twitter--featured several posts that generated extensive comment and debate. Here is one example. Once Facebook became a distribution platform, the blog posts would feed into Facebook as notes and sometimes generated comments there. Once Facebook added the like feature, and Twitter introduced the concept of tweeting or microblogging, the comments basically dried up. I used to feature the most recent comments in the right panel of the blog, but at this point there are less than 10 comments per year. The blog has become a labor of love more than a spark of conversation.

3. Librarianship

One thread that has remained constant is a concern with the future of librarianship. This has risen and fallen over the years, but has always been present. I was determined not to make this a library-focused blog. But I've periodically contributed to the conversation, and these posts are collected in the "Librarianship" category. Most recently I've expressed my strong support for the Association of College and Research Libraries's new Information Literacy Framework, in a rare contemporary instance of taking sides.

For a while I was very interested in whether blogs could supplant professional journals as the library literature. To wit, I wrote "Why Professional Librarian Journals Should Evolve into Blogs" in Feb 2008. I still agree with these arguments-that blogs would allow faster dissemination of ideas and immediate engagement. But unless there are strong vetting mechanisms within a blog it might become hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. This does not mean that our current peer review practices are perfect. Far from it--they can be bureaucratic and overly conservative. But these implementation defects do not sully peer review as a concept, which is to offer a signal of "what's worth reading" for busy readers. I now think that librarianship-oriented blogs will be continue to supplement the formal literature, but will not replace that literature. After all, something similar has happened with news. Far from watching the MSM tumble, these days very established brands like the Times offer some of the best blogs going.

4. The Sarah Lacy Controversy

In spring 2008, a few months after arguing that librarian journals should evolve into blogs, the one and only controversy to ever erupt on this blog occurred. I published a review of Sarah Lacy's "Once You're Lucky, Twice You're Good" in the San Francisco Chronicle. Lacy deemed the review snarky and sexist, leading to these responses: mine, Lacy's.

It was the kind of thing that felt momentous at the time, and for a while afterwards. Now it feels like ancient history, but if nothing else the blog did get its moment in the spotlight.

5. 2009: Divorce Year

In 2009 Helen and I filed for divorce, something I chronicled extensively here. The blog was my lifeline that year, the venue for personal essays about the most tumultuous time in my life. A central part of my healing process was writing it all out.

6. 2010-Present: Looking Outward

Pi Wen and I met in early 2010, when the divorce was still new but the most intense feelings had passed. We met on Valentine's weekend and immediately learned of how much we had in common. One thing in common was that we had both lived in Evanston, the town we now call home once again. We've made, and are making, a new life together.

The blog no longer serves as a record for all of that. Today you'll see a more mellow person's periodic musings. It's still important to contribute to professional debates, but I'll do that in professional association work or (indeed) in journal articles. As to the political discourse which this blog once aspired to join, I am glad not to take any part in it.

7. The Purpose of the Blog Today

So what's the point now? Perhaps my blog would get more comments if I jazzed it up with videos or used the recommended links that Typepad provides. One of my former colleagues at Samuel Merritt landed a new job by skillfully using his blog in just this way. Meanwhile I march along as though nothing has changed in online norms, relying on my words and very few images.

Clearly, then, my blog is mostly for me--an ongoing diary which I hope others find interesting. This would not have been such a bad motivation from the start.

 

Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In

This week I read Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg's influential and controversial 2013 book subtitled "Women, Work, and the Will to Lead."

I'd been wondering if I should blog about it, assuming that my insoluble maleness disqualified me from the right (or perceived right) to comment. So I was casting about for less loaded topics, all the while wanting to write about this one.

Then, on pg. 149, Sandberg recounts a time in which a male executive utilized Sandberg's TED Talk as evidence that women sometimes hold themselves back. Sandberg notes, "If a man had delievered the same message or even gently pointed out that women might be taking actions that limited their options, he would have been pilloried."

Aha, that's what I was worried about! Reading that sentence emboldened me to craft this post.

Sandberg's arguement is that women are caught in a double bind, in which professional success comes at the cost of their likeability at work and their connections with their children and partners. Since women are much more likely than men to work the "second shift" at home as well as their full time jobs, they are caught between competing and impossible imperatives.

Because of their concern about likeability at work, women are less likely to compete for stretch assignments than men. They end up holding back rather than leaning in.

As a manager in libraries almost all of my direct reports have been women. I've observed this holding back in many meetings over many years. On countless occasions people would claim that they will "defer to the will of the group," even though no such will was readily apparent. So then I--the lone man, usually---would try to marshal a consensus, while worrying that I was re-enacting a gender dynamic that was supposedly passe.

I did have a few male direct reports, who would boldly champion their ideas. Sometimes those ideas were good, sometimes they were not. But they were certainly well asserted. I found--on the whole--that I had to rein in the men and encourage the women. Sandberg's numerous anecdotes square very well with my experience.

Is this nature, nurture, or both? (And does the root cause even matter?) Recently Slate has posted some studies by Kieran Synder, demonstrating that men in tech interrupt more than women, and that boys on the playground interrupt more than girls.

Looks like it starts young. When I was a boy being called a girl was an intense playground slur. I thought this was lame, which is why I spoke about independent films with my art teacher (a woman) rather than running around the playground with those sexist boys. I supposed I could have leaned in to more boldly protest their misogyny, but at least I quietly opted out.

For it seemed to me that being a girl had a lot to offer. Boys grew up to go to war, or to die in motorcycle crashes because they refused to wear helmets. Men die earlier than women, although the gap has narrowed. And when a woman dies first her male partner often perishes soon after, a pattern not observed the other way around. Men commit suicide much more than women. Men chomp cigars and belch loudly. This was maleness as I perceived it all those years ago.

In college I learned that men who perform a discrete action, like rescuing people from a burning building, are properly honored. But the caretakers who then tend to the wounded over a period of months or years, who are usually women, receive little or no acknowledgment. The "male way" is flashy and flamboyant, demanding attention. The "female way" is subdued and understated, just getting the job done. I valued the second way more even as I exhibited evidence of the first.

Of course, in most work environments the "male way" is valued. So Sandberg's advice to women is on point. But we cannot forget the larger point. We should build a world in which "masculine" and "feminine" traits--whether they are exhibited by men or women, and in whatever proportion they do so--are equally valued.

Settling In

After 8 days, and countless photo postings to Facebook, we arrived in Evanston late Tuesday night. We live in southeast Evanston, close to Lake Michigan and convenient to public transit.

We beat our furniture and dishes here, so for the next week or so we'll be living in a no-frills apartment. Our wifi/cable will be installed this Saturday, without a TV to connect it with.

These are very minor inconveniences in the grand scheme. We love our neighborhood and it feels great to be back. And thanks to our numerous means of digital connectivity, we're just a keystroke away from our Bay Area friends now and forever. That feels great too.

On the Difference Between Your First and Second Marriage

When you’re married the first time, you think that love means that you can throw any number of obstacles in the way and the bond will survive.

When you’re married the second time, you know that love means you should avoid as many troubles as you can in the first place.

The first time around the problem is hubris, the second time around the solution is humility.

The first had its time, place and reasons. But the second will endure.

Puzzles postscript

In September I wrote about working on a jigsaw puzzle for the first time in years. Several people told me they liked that post, via Facebook comment or text.  Always happy to hear that!

I'm also happy to report that the puzzle is now finished, after Pi Wen and I put in an intense burst of work this weekend. The section containing the orange reflection, in the lower left, was off by a row. A small part of it needed to be flipped around and the rest of it needed to be moved.  That was the major breakthroug.  We'd hoped to finish last night before bed, but felt ourselves fading and so decided sleep was better.

This morning we awoke and inserted the final pieces. Puzzle finished! See the finished product below.

Gratitude: On the Occasion of Our Three Years Engagement Anniversary

At the end of 2009 I was convinced that I would live the rest of my days alone, dying quietly without ever making another romantic connection.  By that point it had been almost a year since Helen and I filed for divorce, and I'd rushed into dating too quickly.  Two relationships had ended, I was having little luck on Match.com, and was generally moping about.  That holiday season, in Phoenix, Mom noticed that all of my pants were badly frayed. She hemmed them because she knew I would never do it myself or even pay someone who could.  (Thank you, Mom!)  This was the kind of mood I was in.

So as 2010 arrived I was not particularly hopeful.  Pi Wen and I met by chance on February 12, at the end of a reception at the Press Club.  Had we arrived at the check-out stand just 2 minutes differently our paths would never have crossed.  But we did meet, and in a brief conversation realized we had a lot in common--living in Ohio, living in Evanston, and both newcomers to the Bay Area in 2007. 

And thus a romance was born.  It was rocky in its early days, with break-ups followed by reuniting. We had very different ways of processing disagreements--I wanted to talk it out up till reaching exhaustion, Pi Wen needed time to simmer and not think about it. 

The important thing, though, was that we worked through these bumps and learned from them. Here was the secret to success, and why I knew that the relationship with Pi Wen would go the distance--we both had the ability to examine, reflect, and modify our behavior. 

We moved quickly, through that tumultuous start and right on to marriage.  On Wednesday, August 25, 2010, three years ago today, I proposed to Pi Wen and she said yes! I was supposed to wait till that Friday, when we had reservations at Bay Wolf.  But I couldn't wait once the ring was in my hands. We still went to Bay Wolf, but as a celebration rather than a time to "pop the question."

On that August 25 we moved in together.  The next six and a half months were a whirlwind of wedding planning, including my first trip to Kuala Lumpur where we enjoyed an amazing Chinese banquet that served as our wedding in Malaysia (invitation below).  Our United States wedding, overlooking Lake Merritt, took place on March 19, 2011.

This is a great day to recognize how very grateful I am that we met.  All my friends and relatives love Pi Wen, and I do too.  My Aunt Linda speaks for that group: "To know Pi Wen is to love her."  Since meeting Pi Wen I've become a much more confident and relaxed person, someone who is now able to cook and run half marathons.  I'm not nearly as much in my head as I once was, although I'm now and forevermore an absent-minded type.  Today I'm more balanced, light, and much more happy than I've ever been before.  Thank you, my love, and here's to many more joyful years together.

   

Connecting the Dots

Pi Wen grew up in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I grew up in the Midwest with Appalachian and Southern roots.More divergent origins are hard to imagine.

By now we've traveled to Malaysia three times together--first for our wedding banquet in November 2010, for Chinese New Year in 2012, and just this year while Pi Wen was on spring break from teaching. Two of these trips have included excursions to Singapore, where Pi Wen attended college and worked for a few years before moving to the United States.

The next trip to Malaysia will likely be next summer, and I am hoping we make it to the less-traveled eastern provinces of Sabah and Sarawak.

We've also been to Phoenix, Arizona several times, as this is where Mom, Bob and Jeremy are. The first time was in August 2010, the week before my new job began at Samuel Merritt and a few weeks before we were engaged. In 2011 we went for Christmas/New Year, last year for Thanksgiving. Just as with Malaysia, this is an annual trip.

Less common: trips to central Ohio, where I grew up. Many members of my extended family are still there, but most of the immediate family has decamped for Phoenix.  My Dad is still in Ohio, and so far I've achieved my intention to see him every year. In 2010 I went home, in 2011 he came to California for our wedding, last summer Pi Wen and I were back in Ohio again.  Not only did we see Dad, we went to Athens--home of Ohio University, where Pi Wen earned her doctorate in psychology.

All of this is a way of filling out the back story, honoring where we've come from on the way to becoming who we are.  One of the many attractive aspects of Pi Wen's story was that we'd traveled similar paths--childhood and studies in Ohio; college and work in Chicagoland; and the eventual move to and settling down in the Bay Area.

So far we've yet to travel to Chicago together, but that will change this weekend. I can't wait for the three day weekend in Evanston, home of my alma mater Northwestern University and where Pi Wen used to live. We'll use Evanston as a home base and make frequent forays into Chicago. 

Then, the icing on the cake will be 5 days in Nashville.  Along with her husband John my aunt Linda, whom I lived and worked with during the summer of 1996, will be our hosts.  We made countless trips to cental Tennessee when I was a kid, to see numerous family members. Now it's a much more infrequent occurrence, making the journey even more sweet.  It's one more part of connecting the dots.

Marital Lessons at the Oscars

Last night I learned that Ben Affleck is 40 years old and was born in Berkeley. I discovered this by Googling "Ben Affleck" after watching his speech celebrating Argo as Best Picture.

I was so intrigued by Ben because of this statement he made about marriage (he's married to Jennifer Garner) during his speech: "It IS work, but it's the best kind of work."

This was such a great statement--true, heartfelt, mature, thoughtful. Most of my conceptions of marriage and romance growing up came from Motown or other pop songs. It was always easy, always sunny, always light. 

Obviously that is not true.  Marriage is work, hard work, exhausting work sometimes.  You have to reconsider all your notions, all your certainties, and make emotional space for another person.

The reward: along the way you become a better person yourself--more open, more open-minded, more relaxed, more light.  You do eventually reach that sunshine place Motown's best crooned about. But you have to earn it.

 

 

 

Three Years On

In the New Republic, Julia Ioffe offers an extensive profile of Washinton wunderkind Ezra Klein. A throway line in the article notes that Klein follows recipes to the letter while cooking, whereas his wife Annie Lowrey prefers "free jazz in the kitchen."

That's also the dynamic in the Banks-Looi household. I freak at the slighest deviation from a recipe, while Pi Wen finds a recipe to be very confining.  Who needs thyme when we have marjoram? Me. That's who.

Pi Wen and I met three years ago exactly, on February 12, 2010.  At the time my notion of "cooking" consisted of burning meat and overcooking pasta. Three years later I look for the best recipes in every Sunday Chronicle, and pine for an open kitchen in which we can more easily cook together. I'm still quite devoted to the boundaries of a recipe; that offers comfort, not constraint. But I always trust Pi Wen's substitutions and our meals always come out divine. What a difference true love makes.

Language, Culture, and Mandarin

I am very slowly learning Mandarin, having not devoted the 10-12 hours of week of study the instructor recommended on top of our five hours of class.  Fortunately Pi Wen is an excellent tutor, although I strive not to make too many requests of her time.

One joy of the class has been the cultural touches. Last night we learned that the word for novel in simplified Mandarin is Xiaoshuo, or "little talk."  According to the teacher, this is a sign of denigration--novels are not serious literature, much less impressive than the poem.  "It's in the language," she noted.

As an English major whose favorite course in college consisted of reading the novels of Virginia Woolf, this was a sharp blow.  Novels are the closest things I have to a sacred text (and, like all good sacred texts, part of the fun is talking about reading novels without usually doing so.)  I love Woolf, I love Joyce, I love Bellow, I love Baldwin.  I love Anne Tyler, in some ways the most of all.  Little talk! An outrage!

It should be noted: this was just the teacher's interpretation.  Other views are possible. But in any case it was good to be reminded of just how much culture is encoded in language.  I remember being shocked at the concept of masculine and feminine nouns in Spanish, which bakes gender differences straight into the language.  English, for all of its wackiness and exceptions to the rules, doesn't do that.  And to us the novel is unique.