Listening to Pop Music While Getting a Divorce

This afternoon I did the dishes in my Cole Valley flat, where the dish water is icy and it's hard to get good NPR reception. So there I was shaking my freezing hands while listening to light rock, with less talk.

Two songs, played back to back, were "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" (Righteous Brothers) and "Love Will Lead You Back" (Taylor Dayne.)

I haven't heard either song in a very long time, but still knew every word.  Growing up these were anthems, particularly "Loving Feeling" (which had been an anthem for some time already.)  Back then I would just sing along like anybody else.  Now that I'm in the midst of getting a divorce I listened more attentively than ever before, and found that the lyrics angered me with their blissful ignorance and easy resolutions.

1. Actually, with "Loving Feeling" I began by being sad at how accurately the song described the situation with me and Helen:

"Now there's no welcome look in your eyes
when I reach for you.
And now you're starting to criticize little things I do.
It makes me just feel like crying, (baby).
'Cause baby, something in you is dying."

Ouch.  But then all is saved, thank goodness:

"Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you.
If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah.
We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday. [Very true for Helen and me, I'd say]
So don't...don't...don't...don't let it slip away."

Although we don't know for sure that these attempts at restoring love succeed, it sure seems likely.  Would that real life were so easy.

2. "Love Will Lead You Back" takes a different tack.  Dayne has no problem yielding up the relationship for the moment, knowing that in the long run love will prevail:

"Love will lead you back.
Someday I just know that.
Love will lead you back to my arms, where you belong
I'm sure, sure as stars are shinin'.
One day you will find me again.
It won't be long.
One of these days, oh, love will lead you back."

So I should hold on tight, wish Helen a safe journey to London, and just wait till she books the return flight.

I'll be waiting for a while.

Comments

[Cees]

Hi Marcus,

Sometimes it is Sky Black and Blue (Jackson Browne). All the best !

[Marcus]

Thanks Cees!

[Linda Socha]

I am impressed by the way you are handling all this. I often acted rather like a crazy person at my divorce. I have no regrets. Divorce is not a light hearted decision and I know everyone concerned knows. I did learn a lot in the process of mine. I am delighted to say this too will pass
Love
Aunt Linda

[Todd]

Having been through a divorce, I can tell you there will be a LOT of songs that will make you stop, perk your ears and listen that didn't before. No sooner do I write this that "This Ain't A Love Song" by Bon Jovi came on..

"Should've seen it comin' when the roses died
Should've seen the end of summer in your eyes
Should've listened, when you said goodnight, you really meant goodbye.

Baby, ain't it funny how we never ever learned to fall?

You're really on your knees when you think you're standin' tall

But only fools are know-it-alls

And I played that fool for you."

[Christine Ngo]

Hi Marcus,

At the risk of sharing my experience, I often treat the storms of pain and anger as unwanted visitors. I let them in when they arrive but also allow them to leave you once the time come for them to leave. I have learned to let go over the years and this approach serve me well.

Know that we're with you.

Christine